Wednesday, 7 January 2015

Kicking off the Beer Wars....again!!

An introduction........

It is with great sadness of heart that I bring you the new of the death of the Margrave of Staropramen in what appears to have been a most misfortunate incident which polite standards of behaviour will prevent me from discussing in detail save to say that it involved a pair of bellows, a generous pat of butter and the type of hazelnut delicacy which one finds at ambassadors parties.

As you will be aware the Margrave is the last of his family, all of whom have passed in tragic circumstance, (who can forget the incident of the elephant, the tangerine and the trampoline which led to his poor wife's death). With no heir the territory is being administered by a Parliament headed by the Margrave's Chancellor, Arnold von Laine, from the palace in Pilsner.

Staropramen is a tiny state, but a wealthy one, for its fields grow the finest hops and its streams have the purest water in the region. All of its neighbours covet it's fair lands, fine folk and fat coffers! It has no army to protect it, (following alleged dalliances between the Grossegarten Corps and the Margrave's mother). Hills and rivers protect the Margraves seat and there are no other large towns.

To the north sits Prussia, a state whose elderly ruler ever seeks expansion and enlargement at the expense of those whose territory marches along the borders of his own. To the east is Austria, ready as always to interfere and manipulate the affairs of others to suit its ends. Westward is Hoegaarden, whose Archbishop covets his neighbours fields in a manner not becoming a clergyman. South is Campari - ruled by it's dissolute duke, Antoine Debauche, close friend and frequent visitor to the Margraves estates. Other states jostle with these for gain and influence and all seek to swallow up Staropramen and add it to their own. As Prussia and Austria bestir themselves and mobilise their forces to decide the succession in nearby Bavaria, it seems that they have forgotten this tiny pocket of Europe for the time being - which greedy ruler will move first to snap up the land?
This time there is a country to fight over - the Mark of Staropramen. A simple map of which is shown below. Its capitol, Pilsner and main town nestles behind its screen of hills and rivers. As you can also see, there are a number of routes into Staropramen and a number of roads to Pilsner. However no road goes direct and each road is intercepted by another so not only will any invader stand a good chance of being intercepted, they may swiftly find themselves cut off from their homeland.

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